whats up

i think i must be mad. my mind's empty and i have no idea when this madness will stop. the family suddenly seems to have run into a bad patch, beyond understanding. what the hell's wrong? ok, i know i hv been lamenting lots in the previous posts, and i do feel darn ashamed of myself. but let me count the "wrongs" and you tell me if indeed something is wrong?

#1 - Quarrels within family

#2 - Sick folks (Daryl, HB, Y. Bro and Me)

#3 - Sore Eye Mum (came down with swollen eyes, no reason no rhymes)

#4 - Conspired resignation (Sales and 2 Production Workers)

#5 - Lousy Luck

Bro kept insisting fengshui no good, but what the heck! It has nvr been good anyway.

Naturally, all of us got darn affected, but can we dun be affected, u tell me? It affected me pretty much, that i did something so stoopid and i am feelin blardy upset abt.

Darling Daryl came pissing me off tis morning, while at work. And after some torturous moments, the accumulated heat within me, came erupting, like a live volcano. Tongue-lashed the poor kid, and he looked at me in fear. My madness got the better of me.

JJ: What r u doing with the penknife??!!!!! (loud enuf to instill fear)

Son: I want to work

JJ: Before i count to 3, u betta put the penknife down!!! (Loudness Level 2)

Son: But i want to go outside and help Gong-gong to work (very defiant)

JJ: (Stormed over to his position), WORK!!! YOU SHOULD BE READING, NOT WORKING!!!! (Screaming)

Son: but.. but.. mummy, i MUST work

...

shant go on abt the conversation, but the summary was that i started a string of interrogations, asking why he must work, when he's supposed to read, write, colour etc?? bombarded the poor boy, asking him why he's under to listen to us, to be able to write beautifully, and grow taller and stronger, like his classmates...

Darn!!! i realli must be mad! I even went into making stoopid comparisons, like if he only plays and refused to study, he will not be able to get a job outside, or that others will be making more bucks than him. in my wildness, i even went as far as to demostrate to him, that when others make $10, he will only be making $0.10.

i guess i must have freaked the poor boy upside-down. He probably wun understand a single shit i was rattling on and on. but my tone surely affected him, cos he was cryin and sniffing and gasping... and it got to a point when he shouted "i dun love you!"... very drama right? but its true.. and it sorta slapped me quite a bit.. that i lost it... totally lost it, and vented my frustration on him.

i do hope we can get bk onto the right tracks soon...