untitled again

stuck at the "new post" page for a good 10 mins, cos duno where to start.

such an irony, that while all these time when i was playing aunty agony, i was "brutally" exposed today. wahahaha!! pretty stunning, yet a little overwhelming. Stunned was becos too unexpected. Overwhelming was becos no one had said that right in my "face", ok, thru msn lah.

I thot i was pretty successful in concealing and very good at being positive and happy. Well, besides my previous AFI scares, since when has anyone seen a moody catherine? not often... wrong, should be never. still....

well, i like to make pple happy. i like to see people's eyes lit up, and laugh. Afterall, it takes more muscles to frown than smile. And smiling makes one becomes instantly prettier/suave. Laughter is infectious. It makes the atmosphere light and less stressful. I genuinely feel good when everyone around me is happy.

But, i do have my yo-yo moods occasionally. However, these moodiness hardly showed on my face. But i gave myself myself away last sunday. I am a lousy snake. Ok, i blame the weather, for making me sweaty, and mind concussed. Tiredness from lack of sleep was a factor too. I felt "fake" for "litting up my face and smiles" when someone approached for work, be it my temps or emcee. And letting my eyes drooped or being blank-faced when i had my free moments. Hate that. honest.

Today, had a "business discussion" with S but naturally, its more like a wind-down session for me. With our 2 mugs of 0.5l, we did proper work discussion really fast, and ventured to relax and gabber. Well, i was stunned with his observations. Something that i did not expect. Still, no damage was done. Was good in fact. It was a heave of relief. Thot i wouldnt think abt this after my gals trip to BKK 2 yrs ago. Afterall, i made myself a promise and i have been keeping to it well.

Tonight, someone analysed Catherine, point blank. So not used to it cos I have been taking over the analyst role since last december. To be so thoroughly analysed, it felt weird. Especially when its "word for word" accurate. Did felt my eyes warm and wet, but i cant have any reactions. at least not on the face. Cannot make people ard me worry. But damn, the analysis further confirmed my suspicions, that I AM A LOUSY SNAKE. Snakes are supposedly to be good in concealing their innermost feelings, which was why I always am the clown or joker. But this period of time, my laughter seemed to dwindle quite a fair bit. sigh..... no good lah. very weak leh.

Damn... still a little speechless. mind nt workin well. i guess, my 1litre beer is swirling in my tummy, makin me a little blurrer than usual.

Sigh... sleep.... and wake up to be cheerful Cat again.