I am back blogging, after a torturous week. Last week (17/11), we went our our 2nd ultrasound scan, and had the rudest shock of my life. As per all U/S (ultrasound), the objective was to detect any fetal anomaly. This is where the sonographer would scan the tummy, and determine baby's weight, dimensions of the crown rump, the femur length, the humur length, all the organs and the amniotic fluid level (AFI).
As the sonographer scanned for the AFI, she asked me uneasily, with concerns in her eyes, if i were experiencing any discharge/leaking. Well, which women dun? I replied her, as a matter of fact, that yes, in a definite tone. And offered the information, saying its probably always, except that recent few weeks, the dampness level on my undergarment is more. It was only after replying her, then i sensed an air of uneasiness and hesitance. When i tried to probe more, she refused to advise more, except that she would indicate the remarks in the Fetal Assessment Report, for my gynae to further advise me.
Seeing my fears, she then relented, and explained that for a MTB (mum to be), the acceptable AFI is 16 +/-5, i.e betw 11 - 21. Mine falls at 8.7. So, what does that piece of information mean exactly?? She refused to explain further, and state that the Gynae would be in a better position to advise. Also, she mentioned Gwen's limbs are a little short, and she is kinda concerned. She proceeded to ask abt Daryl's birth weight and length, and then in a lame-ish effort, tried to assure her there should not be a prob, since both hb and me arent too tall and strong built.
With such feeble and insufficient advise, i felt instantly down. When stepped into gyane's clinic, i was different from the past. Previously, i would cheerily say hi to the nurses and all, but this time, i am just in no mood to make any small talks. In Gynae's room, when she looked at the report, she told me what i already knw, which is 8.7 AFI. When we expressed our concerns, asking her what does low AFI means eventually, she merely said, with low AFI, baby will not hv enough nutrients, for their daily nutrients come from the AF. Usually babies if under low AFI, will tend to suffer from kidneys malfunctions.
Wasted no time, and she did one more scan. She then assured me that she was not too worried, as the screen showed pockets of water and pretty deep too. Still, she wanted us to be mentally prepared, that the consequences of low AFI is basically undesirable. As i was then at the 21st week of pregnancy, if any abortion is required, it should be done before the 24th week. Hence, i was scheduled to see her the followin week.
In the car, i staretd my silent tearing. Hb kept quiet thru'out. He knows me best. Some words are best left unspoken. Still, we were still bothered abt what exactly caused the low AFI, and the consequences. At home, the 1st thing i did was to research on low AFI. The results shattered my world, instantly. The findings:
Fetal abnormalities
If you're found to have low levels of amniotic fluid in your first or second trimester, it may mean that your baby has a birth defect. If his kidneys aren't there or aren't developing properly (Potter's syndrome) or his urinary tract is blocked, your baby won't produce enough urine to maintain the level of amniotic fluid. A congenital heart defect can also cause this problem.
I surfed through so many parenting forums, and mostly, babies were aborted or auto-terminated due to low AFI. I remembered as i surfed, my tears kept flowing non stop, and its the worst time i've probably even been thru. I kept asking myself, what went wrong?? Why should I suffer from such agonies for both pregnancies? During Daryl's time, he was diagnosed without heartbeat, and i was told that i would need to abort him. But i persisted to wait, since it was still early part of the pregnancy. I am thankful, up to this day, that i persisted, for he is now a bubbly and healthy boy. But, do i need to go thru this agony one more time?? Especially after 5 years of trying??? So, do i still persist? Even though there may be a mild percentage that Gwen will be borned an unhealthy baby? That thought hurt me so badly, and my heart bled numerous time, whenever she kicked me. How issit possible that my Olympic Swimmer, with powerful kicks, is suffering inside me??
During the one week ordeal, I cant sleep, and dun eat well. Whats worse is that i find myself tearing non-stop. Cheery Catherine is gone. Still, that never stop me from making my own research, to improve the situation. I started drinking a lot of plain water, in bids to replenish the lost fluids. I did bedrest, for i noticed that when i m in the lying position, there is hardly any leakage, compared to when I am standing. Also, i forbade myself from crying, cos i cannot afford to lose more water than i am already.
It was insanity, the whole week, while waiting to see the gynae. Thru'out this week, i couldnt bear to blog, for fear of losing control. I am immersely grateful to my frens for standing by me. Close Fren was the first i wrote email to, for he went thru a similar route. Pastcivic had been nice, to talk and counsel me thru msn, and checkin on me every morning, thru msn still, to ensure my moods lifted up. Darling Sel and Juzzy, gave me the support I needed, making me feel not alone. The GES gang, after hearing from Mike, starting sms-ing and calling, either to me or hb. They even dropped by on Sat, to visit me as well as celebrate nik's bday. My greatest pillars of support has to be hb and my family. Hb, made it a point to buy back lunch and dinner, in betw works, and checked on me constantly. No words exchanged, but when he held my hands as we slept, i felt a sense of reality, and calmness. My parents, when heard abt the bad news, were disappointed but they concealed their feelings very well. They told me not to think about it anymore, and if really diagnosed that Gwen would be suffering from the anomalies, for her good, we should let her "go". Mum even woke up at 5+am the next day to go to WaterLoo Street to pray to GuanYin.
The one week torture was over, when we went for the scheduled scan yesterday, 24/11. I will blog this in the next entry. Its time for me to lie down and rest once again.
Thanks to all, for being there for me. Thanks to Gwen for showing me the determination to go thru the stony path.
As the sonographer scanned for the AFI, she asked me uneasily, with concerns in her eyes, if i were experiencing any discharge/leaking. Well, which women dun? I replied her, as a matter of fact, that yes, in a definite tone. And offered the information, saying its probably always, except that recent few weeks, the dampness level on my undergarment is more. It was only after replying her, then i sensed an air of uneasiness and hesitance. When i tried to probe more, she refused to advise more, except that she would indicate the remarks in the Fetal Assessment Report, for my gynae to further advise me.
Seeing my fears, she then relented, and explained that for a MTB (mum to be), the acceptable AFI is 16 +/-5, i.e betw 11 - 21. Mine falls at 8.7. So, what does that piece of information mean exactly?? She refused to explain further, and state that the Gynae would be in a better position to advise. Also, she mentioned Gwen's limbs are a little short, and she is kinda concerned. She proceeded to ask abt Daryl's birth weight and length, and then in a lame-ish effort, tried to assure her there should not be a prob, since both hb and me arent too tall and strong built.
With such feeble and insufficient advise, i felt instantly down. When stepped into gyane's clinic, i was different from the past. Previously, i would cheerily say hi to the nurses and all, but this time, i am just in no mood to make any small talks. In Gynae's room, when she looked at the report, she told me what i already knw, which is 8.7 AFI. When we expressed our concerns, asking her what does low AFI means eventually, she merely said, with low AFI, baby will not hv enough nutrients, for their daily nutrients come from the AF. Usually babies if under low AFI, will tend to suffer from kidneys malfunctions.
Wasted no time, and she did one more scan. She then assured me that she was not too worried, as the screen showed pockets of water and pretty deep too. Still, she wanted us to be mentally prepared, that the consequences of low AFI is basically undesirable. As i was then at the 21st week of pregnancy, if any abortion is required, it should be done before the 24th week. Hence, i was scheduled to see her the followin week.
In the car, i staretd my silent tearing. Hb kept quiet thru'out. He knows me best. Some words are best left unspoken. Still, we were still bothered abt what exactly caused the low AFI, and the consequences. At home, the 1st thing i did was to research on low AFI. The results shattered my world, instantly. The findings:
Fetal abnormalities
If you're found to have low levels of amniotic fluid in your first or second trimester, it may mean that your baby has a birth defect. If his kidneys aren't there or aren't developing properly (Potter's syndrome) or his urinary tract is blocked, your baby won't produce enough urine to maintain the level of amniotic fluid. A congenital heart defect can also cause this problem.
I surfed through so many parenting forums, and mostly, babies were aborted or auto-terminated due to low AFI. I remembered as i surfed, my tears kept flowing non stop, and its the worst time i've probably even been thru. I kept asking myself, what went wrong?? Why should I suffer from such agonies for both pregnancies? During Daryl's time, he was diagnosed without heartbeat, and i was told that i would need to abort him. But i persisted to wait, since it was still early part of the pregnancy. I am thankful, up to this day, that i persisted, for he is now a bubbly and healthy boy. But, do i need to go thru this agony one more time?? Especially after 5 years of trying??? So, do i still persist? Even though there may be a mild percentage that Gwen will be borned an unhealthy baby? That thought hurt me so badly, and my heart bled numerous time, whenever she kicked me. How issit possible that my Olympic Swimmer, with powerful kicks, is suffering inside me??
During the one week ordeal, I cant sleep, and dun eat well. Whats worse is that i find myself tearing non-stop. Cheery Catherine is gone. Still, that never stop me from making my own research, to improve the situation. I started drinking a lot of plain water, in bids to replenish the lost fluids. I did bedrest, for i noticed that when i m in the lying position, there is hardly any leakage, compared to when I am standing. Also, i forbade myself from crying, cos i cannot afford to lose more water than i am already.
It was insanity, the whole week, while waiting to see the gynae. Thru'out this week, i couldnt bear to blog, for fear of losing control. I am immersely grateful to my frens for standing by me. Close Fren was the first i wrote email to, for he went thru a similar route. Pastcivic had been nice, to talk and counsel me thru msn, and checkin on me every morning, thru msn still, to ensure my moods lifted up. Darling Sel and Juzzy, gave me the support I needed, making me feel not alone. The GES gang, after hearing from Mike, starting sms-ing and calling, either to me or hb. They even dropped by on Sat, to visit me as well as celebrate nik's bday. My greatest pillars of support has to be hb and my family. Hb, made it a point to buy back lunch and dinner, in betw works, and checked on me constantly. No words exchanged, but when he held my hands as we slept, i felt a sense of reality, and calmness. My parents, when heard abt the bad news, were disappointed but they concealed their feelings very well. They told me not to think about it anymore, and if really diagnosed that Gwen would be suffering from the anomalies, for her good, we should let her "go". Mum even woke up at 5+am the next day to go to WaterLoo Street to pray to GuanYin.
The one week torture was over, when we went for the scheduled scan yesterday, 24/11. I will blog this in the next entry. Its time for me to lie down and rest once again.
Thanks to all, for being there for me. Thanks to Gwen for showing me the determination to go thru the stony path.
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